Desires = Joy? Is What You Want, Doing You More Harm Than Good? (pretty profound realization)
Hi there and welcome, I’m Nikki Sutton. Thank you so much for joining me today. This video is about desires and how our desires often bring us lots of happiness and joy once we fulfill them, but often desires are a source of sadness, and why would that be?
And what we can do about it to feel better so that we can feel better day to day, so desires might be material desires. We might want something, a new home, an object, a bit of clothing or something it might be, a relationship we might desire to be with someone very much or to find new friends.
It might be to have a business, a successful business or for a project to succeed. It might be for the world to change to have a better world when you look at the world and feel like this plenty that could change, and this would make us happy.
Also to travel, you might have a desire to travel the world or even to get fit. You might have a desire to fit in as well, to fit in with people. You might also have the desire to feel better in life and experience more joy, peace and happiness rather than negative.
Sorry, unpleasant emotions, no emotions are negative, they’re helpful signposts, but unpleasant feeling, emotions and light come up. You might desire to lessen those a little bit.
So, I’m not saying that desires are negative or unhelpful. We all have aims in life because of consciousness, our consciousness needs to expand and grow. That’s the nature of consciousness.
It wants to have experience it wants to move forward, it wants to learn and evolve and transform. That’s what consciousness does and part of our urge. Our instincts have aims and objectives is our consciousness, saying.
Ah, I want to experience something new now I want to achieve something to see what that’s like and learn from those experiences, so the pleasure that we seek often because we have desires it’s because we want pleasure. You want to feel good.
We kind of want to feel good and happy all the time, and often times see unpleasant emotions. A very involuntary, they just sort of happened. Don’t know, they just sort of come up, and one sticking-plaster for this.
One way to feel better is a quick fix sort of pleasure or the pleasure of something more long-lasting like success, but often times pleasure is fleeting. So, we might, you know, drink and feel better.
We might have a cigarette and feel better, or we might go out for the evening – have a nice time feel better for a bit in the next and not feel so good again, I’m not saying that pleasure is an unhelpful thing to pleasure.
It’s pleasure, it’s pleasurable in that. Well, that’s what we enjoy well, we can end up on a treadmill where we’re constantly seeking pleasure. It’s a mask over the fact that we’re not feeling too good, and sometimes it’s not really sustainable, trying to pleasure ourselves all the time, and then we can end up not doing the things.
We well not meeting our responsibilities and things like that because we’re trying to find pleasure so much, but apart from that, unquenchable thirst for pleasure, that many have two masks.
Often healing that’s needed within in a contentment is more released realistic. We can have that as an aim to find in a contentment, but how do we find that? Where is that exactly?
Is it out there or is it within the thing about pleasure and seeking pleasure for satisfaction in the short term? Is if it’s often found out there, so we’re relying on our outer world to satisfy our inner world or inner pain?
He is like in a pain but, as I say, it’s often temporary, but in a contentment it’s something that’s found within and oftentimes. That’s kind of a choice that we make to see the differently. It’s a perceptual shift.
It’s a changing of the mind, it’s when things switch so that we’re perceiving life differently and it completely new lights. For example, if we’re constantly chasing our desires, we’re not really observing what we already have around us and in that way because we’re not living in appreciation in gratitude, we don’t get the benefits of what we already have.
We don’t experience that high vibration for the things we’ve already achieved have because they’re constantly chasing after more and there’s definitely an aspect of the ego that the ego always wants more by its very nature, the ego just wants to have more and more.
It’s a strange human part of us, it’s not of the soul when we incarnate into this body into this lifetime. We do develop this human ego, which is part of our very nature, while we’re here that ego always wants more, and it’s often the reason why we have all these desires.
But my point is that suffering also rises out of desires. You see because if we can’t have what we’re desiring, we end up suffering if we’re trying very hard to get what we desire.
We’re constantly in this vibration of trying not having and wanting and not achieving, and it does manifest more not having not wanting trying and not achieving that’s the nature of our reality or response to our thoughts, beliefs and vibrations.
So, I have a selection of desires. I want to be successful in business. I want my project to succeed. I would like a new car because it’s falling to bits.
I’D like to live in a better area. I’D like some more interesting friends. I might like a partner that is nice to me. Things like that. If I have all these desires all the time, I’m not achieving them, I’m feeling down.
So, it’s kind of a waste of every present moment, I’m constantly living with my head in the future’ chasing these Far Horizons, but right now is being wasted, and before you know it, five years have gone by in a car.
Remember much because you had that many experiences because you’ve constantly been trying trying trying so much for these things in the future. The present moment holds no pleasant memories.
The present moment doesn’t hold much real pleasure because have been chasing those desires. Obviously, if we desire short-term quick-fix pleasure, it has some pleasure.
Doesn’t it again, I’m not saying that’s bad or negative, but it is short-lived. So, we pin our happiness on acquiring the outcomes on our desires. So, we don’t allow ourselves to be happy right now.
We’re going to allow ourselves to be happy in the future when we achieve those desires, our desires are met, but that means that happiness is always in the future, and it’s never right now. But what if we don’t achieve those two sighs?
What if I keep hunting for a partner, and I have a string of relationships and none of them work out. That means that no point of my allowing me to be happy or contend or satisfied or blissful and calm the whole time I’m chasing.
So, the thing is about a lot of this: is that sometimes we’re living in quite a lot of illusions. A lot of the concepts in this video by the way are Buddhist concepts, I’m just reiterating them in my own words for you.
So if we’re seeing the world as the Buddhist was saying with a lot of delusion, I prefer to say illusions living under earthly illusions, that what I need in this life is the same as everyone else because that’s what I’ve been taught as I’ve grown up, that The way to finding happiness is through acquiring this acquiring that, but having a roof over your head for many is, is bloody, brilliant, isn’t it, or we can have gratitude for that.
So, you see there are many delusions that we end up being under because everyone else is under them, or we naturally adopt that the consensus, especially through media, the wit that we are exposed to.
We naturally adopt the consensus, like the current consensus, that if you go against the existing narrative, you’re somehow dangerous, that’s a current consensus that I am particularly sort of concerned about.
If you go against the general consensus laid down by how leaders or media, then there’s something wrong with you, you’re a danger to society.
A lot of people are going with that consensus at the moment, but it’s the same with desires. If many people have similar desires, you think well, they must be important, then so they’re going to be my desires too, and if I haven’t achieved them, other people are going to look at me and think.
Well, why haven’t you achieved them? Is there something wrong with you? I don’t people hear something wrong with me, and I’m not successful that I don’t try that I can’t achieve, but then you waste your life away chasing these things.
Many people drop out of society because they can’t be bothered to chase such things, and I don’t want to be judged, or you can stop caring about being judged. So, also with our illusions or delusions.
It causes us to have certain priorities, as I just explained that we want to have a sort of carbon copy of everyone else. The cut-out sort of lifestyle, and it creates our priorities of what we need in life. But we can stop and reevaluate, what is it? I really need in life and actually do. I need that much.
I know a guy who really doesn’t have very much new, doesn’t want very much because he realizes that a lot of these possessions and other things that one might chase staff a chase after are actually a source of unhappiness rather than happiness.
So if he releases those things and releases the judgment of others and what he supposed to live up to, he can be a lot happier, so he lives actually in a tent and has very little possessions he’s perfectly happy if you’re happy, then that’s fair enough.
If you’re happy without chasing all those things and that’s absolutely fair enough, and he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, so sometimes you might realize, but once we do achieve our desires say I want my project to succeed, or I’ve created a wonderful product.
I’M trying to sell it and no one’s buying it, but once they start buying it, I’m really happy, probably for about a week or something my general contentment goes up, but overall happiness wasn’t there. So, where is happiness, then?
So, I seek another far horizon to chase. I’ve sought another desire, or I quite like that subconsciously. We think oh well happiness must be there then, and we start chasing after that, and once we reach that, actually you know I’m not completely content.
Well, what else do I need, so you spend a life chasing these things, so you see that desires can bring a state of suffering a constant state of wanting and not having, and again I say that it’s perfectly normal and fine to have desires, aims objectives for Your life, this consciousness, wants to move forward, but in that bringing in full circle there, it’s finding a balance.
Wouldn’t you agree that not to let your desires rule your head and your heart, not to place your happiness on your desires because you’re missing the present moment in the happiness it can bring?
If I am constantly immersed in my work because I want to succeed, and I’m on my computer, all the time and the rest of the family are out in the guard and having a fun, I’ve missed that a fun because I’ve my priority is, I want to get my work done because my happiness is in the future for when I succeed, but what about the fun that’s going on in the garden outside in the yard? I mean, what about the fun that I’m missing there?
I could have been happy right now, but actually, I chose to wait until the future, so you see the balance that needs to be struck to enjoy the present moment through the gratitude of what’s already going on the people in our lives and what we already have And oftentimes we have much more than other people too, who can’t even meet the basic needs, and we must have gratitude for that.
I know I’m very grateful for all that I have and if I find that my head is going into the future again, it’s going towards a design, and I’m feeling frustrated because I’m not achieving something. I stopped, and I ground myself in here, and now I think well, Oh, what time is it now?
What day is it now? What month is it okay? Yes, it is actually known what’s going on around me. What do I enjoy now? What can I see that gives me pleasure now?
What desires have I already fulfilled that I can enjoy now, and there is the happiness right away without it being in the future. So, instead of allowing desires to rule you and rule your happiness, I simply put it to you to get it into balance, to not pin your happiness on them.
Allow yourself to be happy now, while still working with logically towards your desires, whatever it is you’re trying to achieve. So, I hope that’s been helpful today, for you.
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